Me: Did you hear that they’re closing down the clown house on Alberta?
Craig: The what?
Me: There’s a brightly painted house down on Alberta, and a bunch of clowns live there and ride their big, tall clown bikes all around the neighborhood. The owner of the house couldn’t resist selling any longer, and now all the clowns have to move out. I read all about it in the paper. It’s really sad.
Craig (nodding seriously): Yeah. Makes you want to draw a teardrop on each cheek, doesn’t it?
June 7th, 2007
Four-Year-Old Will (singing along with me at bedtime):
I want to ride to the ridge where the West commences,
Gaze at the moon until I lose my menses…
May 30th, 2007
My dog has cancer. I’m heartbroken.
May 27th, 2007
Conversation in the car on the way home from school:
Macky: Mama, Jackson threw up at school today!
Will: Yeah! In the DIRT!
Macky: It was disgusting!
Eugenia (looking out the window to see where we’re headed): Mama, do I have piano lessons today?
Me: No.
Eug: Why not?
Me: Because we have so much to get done today. And because I’m tired. I don’t really feel all that well.
Macky: I hope ya don’t throw up!
Me: I hope so, too. I suppose it’s possible, though, if I’ve got whatever Jackson had.
Eugenia: What did Jackson have?
Will: Corn.
May 22nd, 2007
Do what the man says (once you stop cringing).
Thanks, Mr. T.
May 5th, 2007
Overheard in the car on the way home from school:
Will: Macky, knock-knock!
Macky: Who’s there?
Will: …
Macky (testily): Who’s there?
Will: Um… Why did the chicken cross the road?
Macky: Who’s there? (cracks himself up)
Will (also cracking up): Why did the chicken cross the road?
Macky: WHO’S THERE?!?!
Will: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?!?!???
Macky: WHO’S THERE?!?!
Will: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?!?!???!!!!!!!!!
Macky: WHOOOOOO’S THERE?! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
Five minutes later, following several minutes of purposeful belching, screaming, and arguing on the kids’ part:
Me: You guys, I’m serious! KNOCK it off!
(Pause.)
Will: Who’s there?
* * *
Later that night:
Me: Macky, put that grate back in the floor. Stop touching that. No. No! NO!!!! No, no, no, no, stop, nooooooooo! What part of “No” don’t you understand?
(Pause.)
Macky: “No”?
May 3rd, 2007
This is my favorite Daily Show segment EVER. And that is saying A LOT.
May 2nd, 2007
In my new column: a response to the tragedy at Virginia Tech.
Zen and the Art of Child Maintenance To say that the tragedy at Virginia Tech is a parent’s worst nightmare is the grossest of understatements. Losing a child is our biggest fear, our unspeakable dread. . . But it isn’t practical, even for near-paranoid parents like me, to live perpetually at Code Orange. We simply can’t keep our children safe by the sheer force of our will. By Shari MacDonald Strong
May 2nd, 2007
Macky: Mama, everyone in da whole wide world has arch enemies. Right?
Me: Whaaa?
Macky: Mama, you have arch enemies. Right?
Me: Um, I don’t think so, honey.
Macky: Yes, ya do!
Me (thinking about our “War Is Not the Answer” sign in the front yard): No. I really don’t.
Macky: Uh-hunh! George Bush!
Me: Well. You have a point.
April 15th, 2007
Thanks, Miriam, for the link. Beautifully put, Gwen. She states things so perfectly, I can only say, as the Quakers do: This Friend speaks for me.
How has our society gotten to the point where we put up with the crap that spews from the mouths of folks like Imus, Limbaugh, O’Reilly, and Trump? I’m grateful that CBS Radio canned him. I’m just stunned that it took so long for somebody, somewhere to respond to one of these nasty rants with: “Enough!”
April 15th, 2007
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